I have a lot in my cluttered mind today, so likely this blog will be here, there & everywhere.
I am missing a black sheep from Littlest Pet Shop. I have found some of the missing toys and I even set them on a shelf so they wouldn't get lost again, and then a cat sat on the shelf and the stuff is in the floor. Fart.
I put in an application for Bath & Body Works today to try and get a Seasonal job. While I was there I "sampled" the Secret Wonderland. Oh, how I miss my Secret Wonderland. We still haven't found it, despite Jason having gone through the trash. /sigh, maybe Santa will bring me some for Christmas. Not like NEED more perfume; especially when you think about kids in our country who won't get even a Christmas dinner because its all they can do to keep the heat on through the winter. Really gives pause to thinking about "too much" and what we really "need".
I have this blog in one window on my computer and "Bend It Like Beckham" in another window. Another not-so-guilty "guilty pleasure". I SO want to go to England, but I feel about that the way I felt about going to some other places the first time-don't take me, I might not come home. I wonder what it would be like to live in London. I have a minor obsession with British Indians. One of the girls I used to work with at Alternatives is British Indian, and with her name and her features, the first time she opened her mouth I was not expecting a British accent.
I was driving to pick up Alex & Bub yesterday and designing (in my mind) the mother's ring I want. Except I don't want it to just be a mother's ring. I want it to be a "family ring" and incorporate Jason's & my birthstones too. So how to get four kid's stones set with two diamonds to make the perfect ring...? But wait, shouldn't the ring wait until after I'm sure we're done having kids? Yeah, probably.
We have four healthy kids. Yes, Mimi is a Diabetical (as a friend of mine says), but she's healthy overall. Somebody I know through FaceBook is celebrating his son's first birthday today, only his son passed away last Spring. Another friend of a friend is talking about how she's going to get through this Christmas, because her infant daughter passed away at the end of last winter. I read a link from a photography site today about an infant boy who was born with a very rare defect, and he probably won't live past being three months old.
So why the hell are Jason & I so special? Why do we get the healthy kids and other people have to suffer with their babies dying? To quote something I read earlier, "I will never understand why babies have to die."
So... for anybody who doesn't know, I started a self-made diet & exercise program. The hardest things for me are, well, all of it. I struggle with my eating habits, because if you know me, you know I am a total stress-eater. I get angry, sad, upset, frustrated, disappointed, etc., and I want to eat. And likely eat junk food. I have been exercising the past three days and that feels fantastic. I actually DO feel better than I have, so maybe if I keep exercising the diet will sort of fall into place. I am noticing that the more water I have been drinking, the more water I want. I suppose that's a good thing-the more water I drink, the less hungry I am.
I thought about all of my past attempts at weight loss. I wish I could get in the kind of shape I was in when I was in college. Then I was grousing about size 8 pants being big. /sigh
But I could do 400 situps in one shot, run miles at a time, do 2 hours of aerobics. Right now I don't know what size pants I wear, because I refuse to measure, I jogged 3 minutes yesterday on the Wii-Fit and like to died, and I can barely do 20 minutes of aerobics.
We bought the Wii-Fit and used it for a while, then stopped for some reason, probably because we got sick. So last year I bought a Jillian Michaels DVD and used it for a while, then stopped because we came down to Alabama on vacation and then when we got back to Connecticut we immediately transitioned into moving-mode.
I try to quietly watch what I eat and to exercise when the kids aren't around. The kids should see me being healthy and exercising a little bit, but they shouldn't see the obsessive-quality it takes on. My father always exercised when I was a kid and I think that might be part of the reason I have a problem with body image. I think the other part of it is just being a woman. I just don't want it to be a "thing" for our kids. The older two girls already have some things going against them, especially with Mimi being a Diabetical.
What's next? I sent a letter to Mimi & Liz today asking them for their Christmas list (for the 3rd time). I made it as easy as possible this time... I wrote each of their names at the top of a piece of paper, enclosed a self-addressed, pre-stamped envelope so all they have to do is fill out the papers, put them in the envelope and put the envelope in the box. No writing addresses, no stressing about getting a stamp. All done. Hopefully now we'll get their Christmas lists from them.
I have lost my want to read right now. I wish I had more of the Harry Bosch books. I want to reread them but don't feel like being arsed by the library. They're on my Christmas list, and truthfully about all I really want, other than a bottle of Secret Wonderland and the kids to have a great Christmas and not realize that they go without. I think that's one of the measures of a good parent; if you can get by for your kids without them realizing they go without, you're doing a good job.
What else? I have Mel C's "I Turn To You" in my head. And Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is hot. And my husband knows I think that, so I feel no guilt in writing it.
I guess I need to check the paper I started at work the other day to see what else I wanted to blog about.
The last subject is... Becky.
I have it, through a good source, that my suspicions were confirmed. She isn't friends with Mimi on FaceBook... her own child. Not MY child, if you listen to Becky, but HER child. Why? Good question that she never really answered. She did, however, say that it wasn't because she talks crap about me & Jason and doesn't want Mimi to say. Yeah, well, I call bullshit on that. I've seen some of the stuff she has written, and if the girls saw it, it would completely ruin her argument that she is better than we are because she "doesn't talk about us on FaceBook". Haha, yeah, okay.
The girls, reportedly, told her everything that Jason and I (mostly I) said over the summer. I went on one really good tirade in their hearing and I am somewhat ashamed of that. All of these years it has been Becky & her folks that have gone on about me & Jason in front of the girls and Jason & I have done it in private. I guess it got on my last nerve at the wrong time.
I think the other part of it too is that I think the girls are at the age where they can handle some of the truth. And I told them that. Mimi asked to read some stuff and I let her; there are some things I didn't let her read and I won't until she's older. And then there are some things the girls will never know. Ever. Unless of course Becky tells them, but I don't know why she would because it won't make her look favorable.
Anyhow, I know I apologized in the moment to the two of them, for losing my temper. I'm sure I didn't apologize for what I said, just for the fact that they had to hear it. She is their mother, regardless. I'm just glad it didn't damage the relationship I have tried so hard to make all these years with them.
I realized, too, after they left, that we spent the majority of our time focused on where Mimi wanted to live, because she is the older and she would be the "deciding vote", as it were. But this year coming, Lizzie will be 12 (yikes!) and it
I think I'm done writing for now...
I have to go pick up the kids in about a half-hour. Alex has decided that her new favorite thing is to ride the bus to daycare and go to the "big kids' room" for a while, so she gets all bent out of shape if I get there to pick her up too early. She likes to have a snack and do a coloring project (while the big-big kids are doing their homework). So, okay. Its not any big deal to me to go a half-hour later, and Bubba doesn't seem to mind any either.
And truthfully, I enjoy the quiet time at home for a couple hours. It lets me get stuff done like this... and I suppose do some housework as well. There's laundry to do (of course) and dishes. I read a very interesting blog earlier about how to control your laundry before it controls you. Definitely some good points.
As always, feel free to comment here or on FaceBook. Love y'all.
